sub

Coffee is Definitely a Thing

The heavens shined down on me yesterday morning and I feel it is noteworthy.

She made me coffee.

That, in and of itself, was a fantasy come true.

I was delightfully surprised and amused when she became nervous after given the task. It was cute.

I honestly don’t know which was better, her nerves or having her make my coffee and bring it to me in bed.

And, ya’ know, seeing her walk to my kitchen with no clothes on, wasn’t horrible either.

I believe the only thing that could surpass that, is if she stayed in bed with me while the boy had to make coffee.

Well…

Okay…

I can definitely think of other ways to enhance a moment such as that.

Who I was and Who I am

I remember getting my way (most of the time) when I was younger. Make no mistake, I was not a princess, my childhood was severely lacking where my needs were concerned, but I did get my way. I knew how to manipulate my mother from a really young age, and I used it. I probably manipulated others along the way, as well. I did not do it on purpose, I see now that it was a cry for help, instead of me being a bad child, like I once believed. 

This carried on throughout my teens. I did what I wanted and when I wanted to. I did not care about the repercussions of my actions — hell, I didn’t even think about the repercussions. I used boys and I let them use me. I did a lot of drugs. I did a lot of stupid things and I avoided good things, like school, because they made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. By fifteen, I had lived well beyond my years. As destructive as that may seem, it is how I survived the chaos in my mind.

I’m not proud of any of this.

As a result of my reflection of the choices I made as a youth, I stopped trusting myself. I stopped putting myself in certain situations–ones that I felt I wouldn’t make the right choice. I was determined to change, and change I did. Unfortunately, I lost myself in the process. I was a shadow living in a world of gray. It was safe for those around me and I was safe, as well.

Fast forward to today, I am finding myself again. I am learning to trust myself and it feels really good. I have standards for myself. I will do right by the people I care about. More importantly, if I don’t do right (and I see it or it is pointed out to me), I will own it. I will continue to better myself. I will do my best and, from what I’ve seen in my lifetime, my best is a lot better than most peoples good. That has to count for something.

I know the type of Domme I want to be and I know I am more than capable.

I am starting to see I am worth following. I am worth it not because of the title, but because of who I am