sadist

Continuing to Define My Domme Side

I continually try to pick myself apart. What do I like? Why do I like that? Why don’t I like that? How did that make me feel? Where the hell did this woman come from, I know I wasn’t her a year ago… or was she there, just dormant? What other facets are part of my whole?

I need to know these things!!

Aside from my sadistic tendencies, I’m pretty sure being in control is also a big one for me– it could be a bigger part than my sadistic side, I really don’t know at this point.

I like having things my way. I like making them my way. I want to be in control, damnit!!!!! Like, thinking about my sub having certain freedoms, kinda feels like someone sandpapering my brain. It is not cool. Thinking about controlling my sub, as little as telling them what name to address me as, kinda feels wearing and petting my fur collars, or slipping into a warm bath. It does good things for my brain.

In some cases, I have found it is extremely difficult to not let this side of me surface. I know that certain things need to be in place before control is turned up a notch (or turned on at all), and when it is turned up, other things need to be in place before it is turned up again. Nevertheless, not having control makes the Domme in me restless and, sometimes, quite upset. I’m not sure if it is my ego or if there is something else going on, I just know I don’t know how to process it, yet.

I feel like control is what makes D/s (or M/s) sustainable — sadism can only take it so far. But, I romanticize control so maybe my view is a little biased…

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Let’s Get Something Straight

I love being a Dominant.

Having control over someone and using that control, arouses me and pumps life into my veins.

I like using whatever I can as a means to further my experience and make my sub feel submissive. I will definitely do things (kink, D/s related, as well as vanilla) that my sub enjoys doing, that doesn’t make me less dominant. I use the tools that work for those involved.

I classify myself as Femdom, because I am a kinky, female dominant.

If I have to give my sub a look, reprimand them, or punish them to get them back in line (feel free to read as: feel more submissive), I will do that because it benefits both of us and I have fun with it. If I have to do this, it doesn’t fucking mean that my sub is incompetent in any way (I would not allow someone that is incompetent a spot at my feet), it means they need a little motivation and/or correction (to better benefit the relationship). News flash, we all need motivation at some point. I am happy to motivate people I care about, and I like using my Dominance to motivate my sub because I love being dominant.

None of this is a burden or something I feel like I have to do. I want it.

I enjoy being mean to people I care about, that have consented to that treatment. I like seeing fear and worry in their eyes. I like them to feel embarrassed. I like to hear them scream and moan, at my hand. I like to see them wiggle and squirm. I even like it when they try to get away from me — I find it amusing that they think they can get away or hide from me. I like it when they resist, because it gives me opportunity to use the power I have.

When my sub steps away from their wants and does what I want instead, I find that extremely romantic. It is difficult to put into words how much I appreciate that kind of submission. It gives great meaning to the act. Yes, on a deep level this is what the sub wants (if they don’t want it, I won’t push them), but it takes strength to get there. I do not take it for granted.

This, in part, is me.