I have overcome a lot in my life.
I didn’t have a good start. People have lived through worse, some have not. I was broken by the time I was nine years old and lived a full life by the time I was sixteen.
There are days when I feel so tired that dying sounds peaceful — I welcome it. Or I think about turning back to drugs. Or doing something, anything, self-destructive.
I fight to get out of bed. I fight to be present for my kids. I fight demons. I fight for those I love. I fight to break the cycle of my mother and father. I fight all – the – time. But, that is my life. I think I handle it quite well, all things considered.
I have made many bad decisions. I have hurt people. I know right from wrong because I have learned on my own, not because someone told me it was right or wrong. I own that shit and I learn(ed) from it, most of the time.
I have come to realize that I don’t see myself clearly — it has been, and will be, destructive on occasion. In other words, I’m prone to seeing my faults.
I have a hard time voicing when I’m in pain, it is far easier to mask it.
I don’t need a big house, a shiny new car, deep wallet, or expensive clothes to get attention or feel successful. I don’t have a need to prove I am the meanest Domme on the block, nicest, sexiest, or smartest. I am not any “est,” I am me. I don’t need a long resume of subs I’ve beaten to feel special, nor do I need to grab the best most prettiest sub and put them at my feet to feel important. (Note: I rarely falter in this area, but I do catch myself falling into the trap.)
Instead of festering jealously between women, I want to empower them to step into their own. Don’t be jealous of me or think I should be jealous of you… we are all beautiful and special, capable of doing amazing things, let’s help each other on our journeys. (I’m working on bettering myself in this area… quite a bit of room for improvement.)
I love wearing fur (huge, fluffy collars!), boots, heels, low cut shirts — I like wearing things that make me feel sexy and powerful. I’m fairly picky about style. My soul lives in the shadows and I like my attire to reflect that to some extent.
I draw, paint, and knit — not often enough.
I am spiritual. I am a witch. I practice my truth while listening and learning from other ideas.
I am sexually sadistic. It makes me wet when they cry. And scream. And tell me to stop. And hide their face in embarrassment.
I don’t do vanilla sex. It makes me cringe… like to the point that I want to bleach my brain.
I am bisexual and demisexual.
I have a hard time with positive reinforcement. I see how it works, but when it comes to D/s… I think it is boring.
There is a part of me that is incredibly selfish and controlling. It is a darkness that could manifest quite quickly, given the right circumstances. I actively keep her at bay for very good reason.
I want you to see how you are not like me, and love that you are not like me. Or, if you are like me in any way, be thankful to have someone to relate to. I want all of you to be proud of your differences and respect that this is who I am (in part), even if you don’t want to be anything like me.
If you don’t know what it is like to live a crappy childhood, be proud of that. If you like having ten submissives at your feet, be proud of that. If you find power and peace in kneeling at someone’s feet, be proud of that.
Be happy and respectful that others are on a journey that isn’t anything like yours. We are all on different walks. Yours is not better than mine and mine is not better than yours, they are merely different. Own you. Be you. Enjoy seeing others be successful in their lives, truly enjoy it without being jealous, because you know you can make great things happen on your path, just as they are doing. You have that power, use it.
I don’t give a shit what others have told you or what the voice inside your head tells you, you are beautiful and deserve love and good in your life.