I don’t know where my desire to submit went. It could be that it just wasn’t meant to be or perhaps I have buried it deep within myself. It is possible that it died with my love and respect for my husband. Nevertheless, I can’t find it, and I don’t want to find it.
I am reluctant to share my view on this because I don’t want you to think I believe submission is wrong or that I don’t appreciate it. I do appreciate it. I appreciate it even more now that I’m Domme. I ache to have a sub squirming before me. I need a sub in my life. Seriously, I am so tired of making my own coffee it’s not even funny. (Okay, maybe it is, just a little.)
I am not trying to talk anyone out of submission.
I do not want to endure anymore, I have endured enough. I deserve to have someone endure for me.
I deserve that.
My body has been used by men since I was 8 years old, and I am done.
My body is mine.
I want to be more than what my past taught me to be.
I have tried to be enough for people. It has never worked.
It is time for me to be enough for me. Too much or not enough, I am me, take me as I am or the door is over there.
I want to be pampered and treated like delicate treasure. I want to be treated softly, not roughly. I want pleasure, not pain.
Being bound, having a collar around my neck, or being on my knees… well… fuck that.
I want to be in control.
I want to know what it means to be adored, to be special, and to be someone’s everything.
Submission fit me, but Dominance improves me.