Thoughts and a Song

My mother is coming to visit for a week. She has a tendency to stress me out, but she spoils me, so it all works out. I have been cleaning and such, and I can’t help but fantasize about having a boi do all this for me while I relax in the bath or have fun with a friend.

Seriously, it’s rough being a Domme sans sub.

Since I started the new work schedule, I have been completely drained by the evening. It seems like all I can do is watch shows or sketch.

A window has been opened and I am excited to see what comes of it.

The weather has been nice and it lifts my spirit, but I still ache for more — I probably will, until I get what I want.

Someone shared this song with me about a year ago, maybe it has been over a year… anyway, I like it and still listen to it regularly.

Advertisements

Me, an Online Domme?

For a while now I have been thinking about finding an online sub. There are some elements I would enjoy, for sure, but more that leave me thinking that it isn’t for me.

I know the best way to find out is to try…. the thing is, I know it won’t work if I can’t go into it excited and actually wanting it.

It is hard for me to trust people. It is even harder for me to trust people online. If I give a sub a rule or instruction (online), how do I know they did what I told them to? I won’t know, I’d have to trust them. Or play along. I suck at playing along, especially with someone I don’t have an emotional attachment to.

There are also elements missing that I have a strong desire for. I want to see them. I want to see them at my feet. I want to see what they look like while in pain, the look in their eyes when they worry about what will be next, what their mouth does when I tease their body. I want to hear them. Oh, how I want to hear them! I want screams, and moans, and whimpers, and heavy breathing. I want to hear chains rattling and leather hitting skin. More than that, I want those effects to be done by my hand, not their own. I want to touch them.

I don’t have a lot of left over energy these days and I don’t know if I want that little bit of energy to go into an online sub. I think it would be better spent on something, or someone, I am passionate about.

In the end, an online sub won’t be able to give me what I need, so should I try? I feel like I should be jumping at the opportunity to express my Dominance, but, if I stay true to myself… at this point in time… I don’t want someone that can get me off, I want someone that can feed me.

Maybe I just need to see a different perspective… ???

Making Lemonade

I’m starting to get the hang of this whole feeling like crap thing. I have bad days, but they don’t pull me down and drag me along the ground like it used to. I accept the way I feel and still do things I enjoy — I counter the bad with good.

Weekends are harder. This time I am going to be proactive. I have plans to stay busy, pamper myself, and I even bought bottle of wine.

Tonight I will paint my nails (while I imagine someone else doing it for me), sip my top shelf wine (it counts as top shelf if it was bought off the top shelf at the grocery store for less than $8, right?), and watch a good show (while imagining that being so far from the ones I love isn’t as bad as it really is).

It is going to be awesome (or so I imagine).

3 Day Quote Challenge (Day 3)

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day)
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you
  • Nominate three different different bloggers for each day

Thank you again, Lady Clio, for nominating me.

Truth.


Same as day one and day two… I am not going to nominate anyone for this challenge, but if there is anyone out there that hasn’t participated (ahem, furcissy), I encourage you to do so. Perhaps step it up a few notches and do 10-20-30 days of quotes… it could be fun!

3 Day Quote Challenge (Day 2)

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day)
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you
  • Nominate three different different bloggers for each day

Thank you again, Lady Clio, for nominating me.

This!

This is what being Dominant did for me. It helped me to remember who I once was and to see what I had become, and it all changed from there.

I have never been someone who has felt entitled or important, but I always knew I deserved better, I was confident, and I was someone… not a shadow.

This might go against the rules, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Here is another that is along the same lines… just think of it as a bonus.

I like this one because I have never truly grasped the power I have, but I am learning.


Same as day one… I am not going to nominate anyone for this challenge, but if there is anyone reading this that wants to participate I encourage you to do so. Perhaps step it up a few notches and do 10-20-30 days of quotes… it could be fun!

Yep, it is the 3 Day Quote Challenge (Day 1)

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Post a quote for three consecutive days (1 quote for each day)
  • Share why this quote appeals so much to you
  • Nominate three different different bloggers for each day

I started looking for quotes yesterday and I have to admit, it was kinda fun. Thank you, Lady Clio, for nominating me and the momentary distraction.

Lately, fear and I have gotten pretty close. We wake up together and go to sleep together. Fear will also pop in throughout the day just to say hello. So nice, huh?

I keep going because of the other side. I will not take the easy road because it is not the best road. I have learned that I can accomplish goals and get through hard times while being scared. Fear is along for the ride but I refuse to let it stop me from getting what I want.


I am now going to not nominate anyone for this challenge because I simply do not want to (maybe this was the challenging part?). If there is anyone reading this that wants to participate I encourage you to do so. Perhaps step it up a few notches and do 10-20-30 days of quotes… it could be fun!