For a while now I have been thinking about finding an online sub. There are some elements I would enjoy, for sure, but more that leave me thinking that it isn’t for me.
I know the best way to find out is to try…. the thing is, I know it won’t work if I can’t go into it excited and actually wanting it.
It is hard for me to trust people. It is even harder for me to trust people online. If I give a sub a rule or instruction (online), how do I know they did what I told them to? I won’t know, I’d have to trust them. Or play along. I suck at playing along, especially with someone I don’t have an emotional attachment to.
There are also elements missing that I have a strong desire for. I want to see them. I want to see them at my feet. I want to see what they look like while in pain, the look in their eyes when they worry about what will be next, what their mouth does when I tease their body. I want to hear them. Oh, how I want to hear them! I want screams, and moans, and whimpers, and heavy breathing. I want to hear chains rattling and leather hitting skin. More than that, I want those effects to be done by my hand, not their own. I want to touch them.
I don’t have a lot of left over energy these days and I don’t know if I want that little bit of energy to go into an online sub. I think it would be better spent on something, or someone, I am passionate about.
In the end, an online sub won’t be able to give me what I need, so should I try? I feel like I should be jumping at the opportunity to express my Dominance, but, if I stay true to myself… at this point in time… I don’t want someone that can get me off, I want someone that can feed me.
Maybe I just need to see a different perspective… ???