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“I Shouldn’t Have to…”

There are Doms and Dommes that feel “they shouldn’t have to… .” That they should just say, “Do this everyday,” and have it done everyday without checking to make sure “this” got done. They shouldn’t have to punish, or shouldn’t have to set a routine, or shouldn’t have to, you know, actually dominate their sub.

Now, I’m not going to tell any Dominant what to do with their sub, but I will say that by saying “I shouldn’t have to” anything, outside of something that caters directly to the dynamic, you are probably hurting your relationship, and your sub. You are better off saying, “I don’t want to.”

I’m telling you, that is so much easier for a sub to accept.

If you require something of your sub that they do not already enjoy doing, like washing the dishes for example. Yes, it is your job, as the Dominant, to make sure it gets done. Period. If you don’t want to tell them everyday to wash the dishes, give them a reason to wash the dishes, be it reward or punishment, and odds are those dishes are going to get done. After it becomes a habit, you won’t have to check up on it as often, or not at all.

It really isn’t complicated.

I also feel it is very important for the Dominant to enjoy what they do (or at the very least, the outcome of what they do) within their D/s relationship. Make it a game. Use the reward or punishment to your benefit. Have fun with it, for goodness sake.

If it isn’t fun, if you hate it and feel like you “shouldn’t have to,” then don’t do it, say you are not going to, and let it go.

I will add, this is my opinion and you don’t have to agree with me. I’m sure I left out some stuff I will later regret not saying. I am happy to hear what you think, even if you disagree.

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Thoughts and a Song

My mother is coming to visit for a week. She has a tendency to stress me out, but she spoils me, so it all works out. I have been cleaning and such, and I can’t help but fantasize about having a boi do all this for me while I relax in the bath or have fun with a friend.

Seriously, it’s rough being a Domme sans sub.

Since I started the new work schedule, I have been completely drained by the evening. It seems like all I can do is watch shows or sketch.

A window has been opened and I am excited to see what comes of it.

The weather has been nice and it lifts my spirit, but I still ache for more — I probably will, until I get what I want.

Someone shared this song with me about a year ago, maybe it has been over a year… anyway, I like it and still listen to it regularly.

Me, an Online Domme?

For a while now I have been thinking about finding an online sub. There are some elements I would enjoy, for sure, but more that leave me thinking that it isn’t for me.

I know the best way to find out is to try…. the thing is, I know it won’t work if I can’t go into it excited and actually wanting it.

It is hard for me to trust people. It is even harder for me to trust people online. If I give a sub a rule or instruction (online), how do I know they did what I told them to? I won’t know, I’d have to trust them. Or play along. I suck at playing along, especially with someone I don’t have an emotional attachment to.

There are also elements missing that I have a strong desire for. I want to see them. I want to see them at my feet. I want to see what they look like while in pain, the look in their eyes when they worry about what will be next, what their mouth does when I tease their body. I want to hear them. Oh, how I want to hear them! I want screams, and moans, and whimpers, and heavy breathing. I want to hear chains rattling and leather hitting skin. More than that, I want those effects to be done by my hand, not their own. I want to touch them.

I don’t have a lot of left over energy these days and I don’t know if I want that little bit of energy to go into an online sub. I think it would be better spent on something, or someone, I am passionate about.

In the end, an online sub won’t be able to give me what I need, so should I try? I feel like I should be jumping at the opportunity to express my Dominance, but, if I stay true to myself… at this point in time… I don’t want someone that can get me off, I want someone that can feed me.

Maybe I just need to see a different perspective… ???

Making Lemonade

I’m starting to get the hang of this whole feeling like crap thing. I have bad days, but they don’t pull me down and drag me along the ground like it used to. I accept the way I feel and still do things I enjoy — I counter the bad with good.

Weekends are harder. This time I am going to be proactive. I have plans to stay busy, pamper myself, and I even bought bottle of wine.

Tonight I will paint my nails (while I imagine someone else doing it for me), sip my top shelf wine (it counts as top shelf if it was bought off the top shelf at the grocery store for less than $8, right?), and watch a good show (while imagining that being so far from the ones I love isn’t as bad as it really is).

It is going to be awesome (or so I imagine).

Vague Updates

Every time I sit down to write I find that I just don’t have the energy, or I don’t want to write about what is on my mind, or I can’t write about what is on my mind.

The problem is real.

I am fairly sure I am free to speak my mind, but I don’t want to take the chance. It’s just not worth it.

I’m still having problems sleeping. I’m still stressed. Still a lot of things that I don’t want to write about anymore.

A week ago today I turned my kids lives upside down. So there’s that.

Ugh! I am so ready for this to be in my past!

I have been drawing every day and I am working more hours, both are good things.

So, yeah, that about sums it up.

A Song

BORN TO DIE

Feet don’t fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
But I’m hoping at the gates, they’ll tell me that you’re mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you’re mine?

It’s like I told you, honey
Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
So choose your last words, this is the last time
‘Cause you and I, we were born to die

Lost but now I am found
I can see but once I was blind
I was so confused as a little child
Tried to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn’t find
All the answers, honey

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
So, choose your last words, this is the last time
‘Cause you and I, we were born to die
We were born to die
We were born to die

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words, this is the last time
‘Cause you and I, we were born to die (we were born to die)

Songwriters: ELIZABETH GRANT, JUSTIN PARKER
Born To Die lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC