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Absent

I don’t know how to write here anymore. I’ve always been a journal blogger, and I don’t feel like I can do that anymore. It doesn’t feel safe and it doesn’t feel right — there are too many factors, too many people, too many of a lot of things.

And it sucks.

I want to get back into it because I truly enjoy it. I feel like I have information to share. I feel like I have emotional build-up to purge. I know I have exciting things to share. But, none of that is enough to get the words flowing the way I want them to.

I haven’t given up completely… maybe things will change.

Let’s run away (let’s run away),
Find ourselves a new place
Let’s run away
And find ourselves

Let’s run away, run away
Four walls built a cage
Let’s run away, run away
Four walls built a cage

Don’t let the cloud of dust settle in your lungs
Or the hourglass begin to run out
Let’s make sand castles while we can
Cause we’ll age and then someday
We will look back and say
What ravishing lives that we lived
What fascinating places we went

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Love Complicates Mistakes

Love makes it hurt in places you didn’t know were there.

But, then to realize those places are there… that they somehow weaved their way in so deep, deeper than what I already knew… it makes me feel like there is more to fight for. And more to hold on to.

The chaos within, that love and pain create, eats away my energy. Pain clouds the path and love clears it, over and over. Love also blinds and pain fuels me. It is all a tangled mess. I take steps when I can and crumble when I can’t.

I am tired.

Nevertheless, I know how to fight for myself.

I am picky about the people I let into my heart and mind because I know how long and how hard I will fight for them. I know what I’m committing to. I have lived and seen enough to know what is worth fighting for.

My love hasn’t lessened.

I still want what I want, ’cause I’m hardheaded like that.

It would hurt me more to walk away.

I still want you.

But, make no mistake, I will not do this again and I expect more.