How my Dominance ticks

Fully Erect?… Nope, Not This Time

I was asked a few questions from collaredmichael, I’m going to split them up into different posts. In this post, I will answer the following.

Being a sub man in a cage, is this something you might like to do? Would you like to be a key holder?

I’ve heard that some Dominant women don’t do chastity because they feel like the male is submitting to the device, not the woman…

I’m not one to tell other women how to do their thing but, yeah, I’m pretty confident they’re doing it wrong.

If you are a Dominant woman and don’t like the idea of chastity, that is well within your rights, just don’t make up lame excuses why you don’t use chastity.

And, guys, be very careful how you approach a woman with the idea of chastity because you might end up turning them into a woman that thinks you are submitting to a piece of metal/plastic.

Personally, I think it is a great tool.

I love that it gives me control of a penis, and therefore the boy. It is also an easy way to feed my sadistic side — teasing a boy so that he strains against the cage, denying the penis pleasure when I get all the pleasure I want… that is some tasty stuff! I like that it reminds the boy that they are mine, even when I’m not physically with them. I would really enjoy having a necklace with a key on it, reminding me of the control I have.

I wouldn’t keep a boy locked up 24/7, though. I like edging and ruining orgasms. I like seeing when a boy gets an erection, especially in humiliating situations. I would also like seeing when they don’t have an erection, especially if I’m feeling particularly sadistic — knowing they are not getting pleasure from what I’m doing. In other words, I like playing with penises that aren’t locked up.

Needless to say, it greatly depends on my mood if I will use chastity or not, but, yes, I do like it.

What if My sub Wanted a sub?

I asked for some inspiration from all of you on my last post, and Ms D came through with a few good questions.

The first question I’m going to answer…

What if your sub wanted to have a sub of their own? Would you support them? Mentor them? Or let them go to pursue this?

My answer would differ from sub to sub. It would also depend on what my relationship looked like with them and what kind of relationship they wanted to have with their sub.

I’ll break it down for you and try to keep it simple.

If I had a male slave/pet that wanted a sub… that’s a hilarious thought. A slave having authority over another doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened somewhere in the world, or that it can’t happen, it just doesn’t fit in line with my idea of what a slave is (a male slave in particular). In fact, I would refrain from putting him in any kind of authority position, but that’s just me (I have principles, yo). If, on the rare chance, I had a female slave, I would give it some thought and probably end up telling them no, yet I might be willing to work something out if they wanted to top another one of my subs.

Seeing as how subs have more freedom than slaves, this is where we step into a grey area.

If we’re talking about someone I only saw occasionally and wasn’t very involved with (which is not something that gets my juices flowing), I would definitely support them and offer any kind of advise they asked for. I have actually recently been in this situation and did just that. However, it did change the way I handled the relationship. I believe with the right kind of communication it could work, but in this situation the communication wasn’t there (on either side) and it ended up not working out. Also, I’m 90% sure this would not work for me long term, even with good communication.

If I am involved with a sub, that I talk to daily and see often, I would try to work something out. It would be easier if they only wanted a play partner to occasionally top, however if they wanted a full-time sub… I don’t think it would work for me. There are so many variables that would tip it one way or the other and I have no way of really knowing what I would or wouldn’t do. I know that it is not ideal for me. Having said that, one of my regular fantasies involves my female sub (not slave) topping my male slave… *dreamy sigh* that really needs to happen.

At the end of the day, I don’t want my sub to have a sub, for multiple reasons, yet I am willing to compromise under the right circumstances. If my relationship ended with them as a result of them having a sub, I would hope that we could remain friends and I would be happy and very willing to support and mentor them.

Continuing to Define My Domme Side

I continually try to pick myself apart. What do I like? Why do I like that? Why don’t I like that? How did that make me feel? Where the hell did this woman come from, I know I wasn’t her a year ago… or was she there, just dormant? What other facets are part of my whole?

I need to know these things!!

Aside from my sadistic tendencies, I’m pretty sure being in control is also a big one for me– it could be a bigger part than my sadistic side, I really don’t know at this point.

I like having things my way. I like making them my way. I want to be in control, damnit!!!!! Like, thinking about my sub having certain freedoms, kinda feels like someone sandpapering my brain. It is not cool. Thinking about controlling my sub, as little as telling them what name to address me as, kinda feels wearing and petting my fur collars, or slipping into a warm bath. It does good things for my brain.

In some cases, I have found it is extremely difficult to not let this side of me surface. I know that certain things need to be in place before control is turned up a notch (or turned on at all), and when it is turned up, other things need to be in place before it is turned up again. Nevertheless, not having control makes the Domme in me restless and, sometimes, quite upset. I’m not sure if it is my ego or if there is something else going on, I just know I don’t know how to process it, yet.

I feel like control is what makes D/s (or M/s) sustainable — sadism can only take it so far. But, I romanticize control so maybe my view is a little biased…

Defining My Domme Side

I am reluctant to write about the darkness that lurks within me. Hell, it scares me, so how are you going to view it?!

I hate being misunderstood. Usually, if I am misunderstood, that means I have failed in communicating or I haven’t been given the opportunity to explain. Yet, sometimes, people just see what they want to see — they focus on a sentence or two and don’t see the rest. That is definitely not my fault, nor is it avoidable.

I hope people see how my darkness and kindness intertwine and work together.


Before I let my darkness out, I need to know the other person consents to and knows what they are getting into. I need to know their limitations — I will hold back if I don’t have an idea of their boundaries and what D/s looks like to them. I will not feel safe engaging with someone that can’t give me anything to go off of.

Once I feel safe…

The darkness becomes my light, the curtain is pulled back and I am at ease and comfortable in my own skin. It is good to be me. Finally! I like being me.

And, I love being mean.

Don’t get me wrong, I like having the wooden, makeshift cane in my hand, the sound of the crop on skin, bondage, my strap-on around my hips, pulling on the chain that connects the nipple clamps. Oh, yes, those are fun things. But, what I really like, what really makes me smile, is mental torment. Any kind of mental angst will do, however, those that bring on humiliation, fear, and tears are quite delicious. Bondage and implements are just a means to get what I want, they are not the end all.

The only questions that run through my head when I am in this blissful state are, “What can I say to dig deeper?” and, “What can I do to get more reactions?”

Why in the world would I want my prey to feel comfortable?! That is no fun at all! I want to poke at their delicate soul. I don’t feel bad doing so, it is fun… and that, my readers, it what scares me the most. It is the reason I fear casual play, the reason I need to feel safe before I let my darkness out, the reason I am so picky about who I engage with. I need to know my sub will see my kindness through these acts.


“Run and cry and beg for me not to hurt you, little mouse. I will let you go far enough to give you hope, and laugh when that hope fades and you submit to your fate. Once I get my hands on you, keep crying, keep begging, or just let go, it doesn’t matter, I’ll get what I want. I will savor every minute of it, from start to end. When I’m full, I’ll put you away, nice and safe locked in your little cage, until I’m ready to go again.

Let’s Get Something Straight

I love being a Dominant.

Having control over someone and using that control, arouses me and pumps life into my veins.

I like using whatever I can as a means to further my experience and make my sub feel submissive. I will definitely do things (kink, D/s related, as well as vanilla) that my sub enjoys doing, that doesn’t make me less dominant. I use the tools that work for those involved.

I classify myself as Femdom, because I am a kinky, female dominant.

If I have to give my sub a look, reprimand them, or punish them to get them back in line (feel free to read as: feel more submissive), I will do that because it benefits both of us and I have fun with it. If I have to do this, it doesn’t fucking mean that my sub is incompetent in any way (I would not allow someone that is incompetent a spot at my feet), it means they need a little motivation and/or correction (to better benefit the relationship). News flash, we all need motivation at some point. I am happy to motivate people I care about, and I like using my Dominance to motivate my sub because I love being dominant.

None of this is a burden or something I feel like I have to do. I want it.

I enjoy being mean to people I care about, that have consented to that treatment. I like seeing fear and worry in their eyes. I like them to feel embarrassed. I like to hear them scream and moan, at my hand. I like to see them wiggle and squirm. I even like it when they try to get away from me — I find it amusing that they think they can get away or hide from me. I like it when they resist, because it gives me opportunity to use the power I have.

When my sub steps away from their wants and does what I want instead, I find that extremely romantic. It is difficult to put into words how much I appreciate that kind of submission. It gives great meaning to the act. Yes, on a deep level this is what the sub wants (if they don’t want it, I won’t push them), but it takes strength to get there. I do not take it for granted.

This, in part, is me.

A Safe Place

It is extremely important to me to be a safe place for those I call mine. I want them to have the space to be themselves around me — the good, bad, and kinks/fetishes. I am really good at accepting people because it makes me feel good, it builds me up. When I call someone mine, I want the whole package, right down to their soul. I want them to come to me with their problems and fears. I want to know what makes them smile during the day and what brings them happiness. I want them to feel safe being open and vulnerable with me. That is part of my package.

When I can’t be that, it somehow takes away from my dominance.

It helps me to feel needed.

I NEED to be needed.

Maybe, in a way, it makes it easier for me to accept my sadistic side? A fair trade, of sorts? Or maybe it isn’t that at all… maybe it simply gives me confidence and a foundation to stand on.

I was told I am abusive.

I was not a safe place for them.

I was also told that I am not a good friend.

All from the same person.

Being told I am abusive has really done a number on me. It has been a fear of mine since I realized I had a sadistic side. I like being mean… I love being mean. And, because that darkness resides in me, I fear coming off as abusive in an unhealthy way.

I will not be my dad.

So, I broke it off with them.

It was a short lived relationship.

I tried.

I really tried.

And, I failed.

It was a learning experience, so at least there’s that.

I am incredibly thankful for the people in my life that assured me of what I am and what I am not. I have a feeling I would have had a much harder time, if it wasn’t for them.

(For those who are wondering, I still have the girl I mentioned here and the boy I wrote about here–they are two of the people that helped me through this mess.)