How my Dominance ticks

Just Reflecting (and some things that turn me on)

Due to what turned me on as a submissive and the kind of submissive I ached to be in my day-to-day led me to believe I would not enjoy being a Dominant. I was so sure submission was my place. At first I used my submission to play the Dominant, not be the Dominant. I wanted a Master to serve and a collar around my neck.

But then I did… stuff.

I did some mean stuff. I had massages when I wanted them. I had him dry me off after a shower. I used him sexually. I spanked him.

And, as it turned out, I really enjoyed myself and so did my vagina.

One night, I found myself dressed in nothing but heels and a strap-on, bending him over the bed and fucking his ass. I assumed I would like it, but it ended up being more than a like. I was literally dripping down my legs. I remember thinking, “What the hell is going on down there?” I also remember thinking it would be better (for me) if he enjoyed it a little less.

So, yeah…

I don’t want to be submissive anymore, but I am glad I was one.

It is interesting, the ideas I have about the way D/s works have stayed the same. And the same things turn me on, just in a different way. It also shaped some beliefs of what I see as Dominant and submissive acts.

For example, I do not plan on giving another blow job and I will definitely not allow my (male) sub to cum on my body. (My hand, okay, but that’s where I draw the line.) I gave many blow jobs as a sub, not because I enjoyed them, but because I enjoyed pleasing him, which made it an act of submission. It was humiliating when he came on my body or face. Therefore, I cannot picture myself doing either as a Domme. However!, my vagina and I are totally okay with sticking my cock down his throat and having him cum on himself.

I also still want a group of three, except now I want two subs instead of being the bottom sub.

My opinions about punishment, chores, service, etc., have stayed the same. Although they might have evolved a little.

I want to treat my sub the way I wanted to be treated. Cruelly, like a thing… because I love them.

I expect the same things of my sub as I expected of myself as a sub — to obey and be pleasing.

I could go on and on.

It’s kinda neat how things have turned out.

Advertisements

What If…

I’ve been thinking along the same lines as my last post, wondering what if I had someone that was able and willing to give me everything I want… what would I do with that? What would I want? What kind of Domme would I be with someone willing to give me their all and allow me to take the rest?

These questions are not so easy to answer because I’m new and I’m really good at overthinking. I mean, what if this sub has physical limitations. Have they been through any traumatic experiences? Do they eat well and exercise? Are they a woman or a man? Do they like things in their bottom? What kind of goals do they have?… all important things to know! And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

But, all the details aside, when you get to the bottom of it, I want the freedom to do want I want to do. 

Of course, I want the relationship to be healthy, safe, and consensual. I want them to thrive. I want them to love being mine.   

But, yeah, I want freedom. 

I want them to be open to trying new things. I want them to struggle and suffer. I want to see tears. I want to be mean. I want to be unfair. I want them to endure for me.

Deal Breakers

In order for me to have any kind of relationship a connection must come first. I’m not going to put any effort into someone I don’t get along with and I’m not going to invest in someone I don’t trust. If someone doesn’t meet those prerequisites, there’s no chance for it to go anywhere. 

I love anal play, nipple clamps, and bondage, but they are not deal breakers (though bondage is very close to that edge). The anal hook is still at the top of my favorites (especially because it will never go in my butt again). I love how versatile it is. I love how they look. I love when a submissive is scared of it. I love it, but it doesn’t have to be a thing. 

I love the idea of someone kneeling before me. It symbolizes respect, gratitude, and status. While I appreciate the strength it takes to kneel, I believe one should think it is a privilege to kneel before me (because I will not give that place to just anyone). The act makes me wet just thinking about it, but it’s not a deal breaker. 

I like orgasm control, humiliation, and all kinds of stuff, but I’m willing to work around those things because there’s more than one way to get a D/s feel. 

Nevertheless, there are things I’m not willing to live without. 

I expect obedience. I will always take into account someone’s boundaries and all that other stuff…I wouldn’t ask someone to obey in a way that they could not. 

I expect my sub to be pleasing. I will always take into account someone’s boundaries and all that other stuff…I wouldn’t ask someone to be pleasing in a way that they could not. 

I won’t do D/s without punishment. Period. However, I am flexible on the type of punishments. 

I will not turn off D/s. I am always the Dominant and they are the submissive, it doesn’t stop because we are not in the bedroom. 

This lifestyle is so important to me, I will not take any of it for granted. It gives me life. It is the only way I can enjoy sex. It is how I want to show my love. Anyone who doesn’t take it seriously, will be no sub of mine. 

The Lure of Chastity

Orgasm control and denial are great on their own, but I see more opportunities for enjoyment with chastity.

Since control reaches me on such a deep level, the control factor alone is enough to convince me it is a good idea. If I lock it up and keep the key, even though his penis is attached to his body, it would be mine. He could not, without a doubt, touch his penis in a pleasurable way unless I release him. He could not orgasm without me. Hell, he couldn’t even get fully erect without me. It also takes away his choice (which I happen to know does wonders for the submissive mind), making him more pliable to my will. And if that’s not control, I don’t know what is.

So, if I’m fully in control of what happens or doesn’t happen to his penis, I’m bound to be a pretty important person in his life (this is his “manhood” we’re talking about). If he isn’t pleasing to me, he doesn’t even have a chance at getting what he wants. I think it’s safe to assume this would encourage him to put greater effort into making sure I am happy. This aspect would make me feel special.

I can also use it to be mean. I think it would be great fun to put him in situations that turn him on, just to watch the expression on his face when his penis is straining against the cage. I would definitely enjoy having him serve myself and another female Dominant while in chaste. I could threaten to never let him out because I like him locked up so much…I can always use a dildo when I am in need. Chastity belt = never ending fun.

This little device helps create an overall feeling that is very appealing to me. It helps defines status, adds to the dynamic, gives me control, and turns me on… Yep, chastity is a must.

Porn

For the most part, I haven’t ever been able to really get into porn. Don’t get me wrong, porn has its appeal (boobs are always nice to look at), however I found that written stories had a more lasting impression.

I think vanilla porn is either comical or boring. (Yes, the house is on fire, but, Mr. Fireman, will you fuck me now?) Aside from horrible plots and exaggerated sounds, which is only good for a laugh, it is a waste of my time.

When I was a sub, BDSM porn did not get my juices flowing enough to keep me watching. Even though it was exciting, I cringed through most of it. There was no reason behind the action, so it lost a lot of my interest.

Recently have been making a point to watch more videos, specifically Femdom, and, I’m happy to say, my vagina and I have found it to be enjoyable in ways I didn’t expect. For example, there are things going on in these videos that I would not do and instead of being turned off by them, they actually have potential to do the opposite. To think I will never again put my mouth on a penis, is exciting. Not only is the act unreasonable (because giving blow jobs gives me no pleasure whatsoever), but taking that away from my sub is just too damn good to pass up (because I know how much pleasure it would give him). So, every time I see a Dominant giving a blow job I can’t help but get a little turned on because I know I’ll never have to do that again. 

There is one video that keeps popping into my head, and not because it’s one of those that leaves me wishing I could unsee it, but because it surprised me in a good way. There were two female subs and a Domme (off to a great start!). One sub was tied to a chair and, by going off the mascara running down her face, she had already endured some unpleasant things. The other sub was being instructed by the Domme when to turn on a electro device (that was connect to the sub in the chair) and what level to set it at. So, they start doing their thing… the Domme was right up next to the girl in the chair with a wonderful smile on her face and the sub was nodding her head, answering questions, and crying. Every so often the Domme would slightly nod, cueing to turn on the device, and the sub would scream out in pain.

This is a perfect example of a video I would not have liked to watch as a sub (even if I wouldn’t have minded to be used in a similar way), yet now… the expressions on the sub’s face, the way her eyes looked, and how she screamed out… it was fucking hot. Her face was messy, she was scared and determined, and so beautiful (and not just because of her features). She accepted the pain for the enjoyment of others. She was willing prey and the Domme was eating it up. 

And, clearly, it did something for me, too. 

Part of the Core

30 Days of Dominance

Day 17 – What does trust mean to you in the context of Dominance? How do you inspire trust in your submissive?

I think we can all agree that trust is important in any relationship, however, I feel that trust within D/s (and the like) reaches a much deeper level. It is crucial. I can’t think of one area of D/s that trust isn’t a part of, and if it starts to break, the relationship breaks with it.

It is a lot like trusting someone to pack a parachute you will, without a doubt, be using. There are a lot of ways shit can go wrong – emotionally and physically – and it has potential to break you in a scary, bad way.

When I say I want to own someone, in part that means that I want them to trust me enough to pack their parachute.

In the beginning, I expect them to watch me pack it, to ask questions, and talk it out. This is one way to build trust. And, to be honest, it would also help me build trust/confidence in myself… I’m sure as hell not going to do that on my own until I know for sure what the hell I’m doing.

I might have built this up into more than it really needs to be, but that’s how I view the responsibility of owning someone. It is that important to me because I want all of them. I want them to trust me to keep and use their soul.

From my experience as a submissive with my husband, I learned quite a few ways to break trust. The good side to that is that I, as a Dominant, can make sure to never fail my sub in the same ways.

Holding true to your word, being honest, being open (with some exceptions), communicating effectively (this includes listening and talking), showing appreciation, respecting limits, acceptance, and putting in continuous effort to learn are a few ways to deserve a submissive’s trust.

And, trust me, one must be deserving of it to reap all the benefits.

Different Partner, Different Dominance

30 Days of Dominance

Day 16 – Have you found that your Dominance has changed with different partners or relationships? If you’re involved with, or have been involved with, partners of both sexes, has your Dominance changed based on gender or do you feel that it is dependent on the submissive as an individual?

There have only been two – my husband and B – and, yes, my Dominance was different with each, as it would be with anyone I took on.

I feel the best way to have control and gain power is to work with what you’re given in order to get what you want, not by forcing someone into a box because you really like how it looks. This works for me because I feed off emotions, not actions. I can’t tell you how I would dominate you until I know what you like, what you hate, what you desire, and who you are.

Take my last post for an example. It was a fantasy of mine and it definitely spoke to my vagina, but I wrote it with B in mind. Had I wrote it with my husband in mind, it would be a completely different fantasy, and it would still speak to my vagina.

So I guess you could say my Dominance stays the same below the surface, but comes out looking different.

And, just to be clear, that doesn’t mean I’m willing to dominate anyone and everyone — I have standards and limits just like everyone else.