Dominant and submissive are not opposing forces. One cannot actively exist without the other, therefore they are two pieces of a whole.
This is who I am.
When it is absent, I feel incomplete. The pressure builds in my chest and it hurts to breathe… no, it hurts to exist. The pressure was a lot harder to live with when I was a sub — I still feel it, though, as a Domme. Every morning that I have to wake up and make my own coffee, I feel it. It isn’t that I mind making my own coffee, I’m very capable and it is not time consuming. When I scoop the coffee grinds into the filter and pour water into the coffeemaker, I know it means I’m missing an important part of myself and my life.
Sure, I’d label myself as a Domme even if I didn’t have a sub, but that’s all it would be — a label. And that is not enough for me.
The deeper I go, the more contrast there is between Domme and sub, the more balanced I feel, the more complete I am.
I admire those that can engage in a dynamic without emotional involvement, those that find fulfillment in casual play, and those that can be fed from either side of the slash. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. Entering a fantasy or an illusion of the real thing, when I don’t have it truly active in my life, is (somewhat) like giving a crumb to a starving person, it doesn’t nourish them, it just intensifies the ache. It is salt on an open wound.
I need passionate commitment. I need depth. I need the other half.