Dominant and submissive are not opposing forces. One cannot actively exist without the other, therefore they are two pieces of a whole.

This is who I am.

When it is absent, I feel incomplete. The pressure builds in my chest and it hurts to breathe… no, it hurts to exist. The pressure was a lot harder to live with when I was a sub — I still feel it, though, as a Domme. Every morning that I have to wake up and make my own coffee, I feel it. It isn’t that I mind making my own coffee, I’m very capable and it is not time consuming. When I scoop the coffee grinds into the filter and pour water into the coffeemaker, I know it means I’m missing an important part of myself and my life.

Sure, I’d label myself as a Domme even if I didn’t have a sub, but that’s all it would be — a label. And that is not enough for me.

The deeper I go, the more contrast there is between Domme and sub, the more balanced I feel, the more complete I am.

I admire those that can engage in a dynamic without emotional involvement, those that find fulfillment in casual play, and those that can be fed from either side of the slash. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. Entering a fantasy or an illusion of the real thing, when I don’t have it truly active in my life, is (somewhat) like giving a crumb to a starving person, it doesn’t nourish them, it just intensifies the ache. It is salt on an open wound.

I need passionate commitment. I need depth. I need the other half.


  1. It just takes a while to find a true-hearted dominant or sub willing to make a commitment, regardless, regardless of gender or gender preferences of either person. Don’t beat yourself up if it does not happen for a while, even a good while. You are a sincere person, and at the right point someone appropriate for you will show up. Happiness is worth waiting for.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the words of encouragement, I needed to hear them.

      I have a sub girl, but there are limits to the relationship. I appreciate her SO much and I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t see the positive she brings to my life. I need more (and so does she), so… we wait.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Be you at all times and eventually you will find that perfect sub—perfect for you! I truly believe that. I would use the Internet to help look. You will get a lot of dweebs that way, but there will be some gems too. I just think it will speed up the process. Stay well Ms Wrecked! I send encouragement and hugs!!

    Liked by 2 people

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