Dominance, submission, and Me

Miss D asked…

Do you ever feel submissive or have urges to submit anymore?

And collaredmichael asked…

When did you know you were dominant?

For those of you that do not know, I spent three years as a sub to my husband (whom is now my ex). It was a very rocky time in my life. I struggled in the darkest ways, but I also woke up from many years of merely existing and had experiences that made me feel good.

I responded sexually to being a sub, in a way that I never did in a vanilla setting. I don’t respond well, at all, in a vanilla setting. I thought being a sub was my place. In the end, it wasn’t what was best for me. It put me in an unhealthy mindset. Instead of empowering me and giving me a safe place, it brought the result of my trauma to the forefront and kept it there, making it worse. It crippled me.

Being a sub made me see my wounds, being a Domme has helped me heal them. I no longer have to fight the poison my dad passed down to me. I welcome it because its darkness makes me feel twisted and beautiful. (This makes me cry tears of peace.)

No, I do not feel submissive anymore and I have absolutely no desire to try it again. I get all I need and want from being a Domme.

Late 2016, I found out that my ex was interested in Femdom. By that time, I was a mess. I knew I couldn’t trust him enough to submit to him, which just about killed me. Being in control was better than having no D/s, so I stepped up. It was a shock to see how my body responded to topping him. I found myself literally dripping down my legs. *snort* And I thought I wouldn’t like it…

I have learned some pretty incredible lessons along the way and I am thankful for the experiences I’ve had, even the bad.

9 comments

Leave a Reply to rozharrisonv Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s