Month: September 2019

Not Feelin’ It

Miss D asked…

How would you handle the following situation:
You’ve been considering a sub for awhile. You enjoy playing with them, you enjoy mentoring them, but the connection isn’t there to bring them on full time. They obviously want more from you.

First, you need to know something about me.

I’m stingy as hell when it comes to playing with people. When I get to the point of wanting to play with someone, I’m already invested. Sure, the level of investment might be low, and I might keep it low on purpose, but it is most definitely there. In other words, I don’t play if they’re not my sub.

If my sub wanted full-time and I wasn’t interested in that, I would figure out what I was willing to do, and tell them. They might not be able to do what you want, so you take the risk of the relationship ending, but that is far better than stringing it along, in my opinion. I like to be straight and feel it is better not to sugarcoat things. I’d avoid building false hope, unless, of course, I truly felt like we could be more in the future.

It is important to be upfront. It will be easier and better for you in the long run, and it allows the sub to keep looking for what they want.

Goals

Barney Rubble asked…

What are your goals? Are you building an empire?

Hell yes, I’m building an empire. I’m on target to take over the world. Currently looking for other amazing women to be the head of different regions and other various management positions. Also looking for live-in boys who will assist us while make the world a better place (quick note: room and board isn’t free, however, I do give bi-monthly pay based on the quality of their work). The foundation of home base has been laid and I’m working on the ground level. The raised platform in the main hall will be done soon — my throne will sit atop it, obviously. This is all taxing, hard work, as you can imagine. The workers (not slaves – because, remember, we pay them) get out of line from time-to-time, so I have to stay on top of them.

Aside from that, my short term, personal goals are to create more art, spend more time with my girl (and her head between my legs), and raise my two children who will one day be Queens of their own land. I also need a boy to be my personal assistant (because reasons). I’ve had my eye on a boy for awhile now… just have to wait and see what happens.

Dominance, submission, and Me

Miss D asked…

Do you ever feel submissive or have urges to submit anymore?

And collaredmichael asked…

When did you know you were dominant?

For those of you that do not know, I spent three years as a sub to my husband (whom is now my ex). It was a very rocky time in my life. I struggled in the darkest ways, but I also woke up from many years of merely existing and had experiences that made me feel good.

I responded sexually to being a sub, in a way that I never did in a vanilla setting. I don’t respond well, at all, in a vanilla setting. I thought being a sub was my place. In the end, it wasn’t what was best for me. It put me in an unhealthy mindset. Instead of empowering me and giving me a safe place, it brought the result of my trauma to the forefront and kept it there, making it worse. It crippled me.

Being a sub made me see my wounds, being a Domme has helped me heal them. I no longer have to fight the poison my dad passed down to me. I welcome it because its darkness makes me feel twisted and beautiful. (This makes me cry tears of peace.)

No, I do not feel submissive anymore and I have absolutely no desire to try it again. I get all I need and want from being a Domme.

Late 2016, I found out that my ex was interested in Femdom. By that time, I was a mess. I knew I couldn’t trust him enough to submit to him, which just about killed me. Being in control was better than having no D/s, so I stepped up. It was a shock to see how my body responded to topping him. I found myself literally dripping down my legs. *snort* And I thought I wouldn’t like it…

I have learned some pretty incredible lessons along the way and I am thankful for the experiences I’ve had, even the bad.

What if My sub Wanted a sub?

I asked for some inspiration from all of you on my last post, and Ms D came through with a few good questions.

The first question I’m going to answer…

What if your sub wanted to have a sub of their own? Would you support them? Mentor them? Or let them go to pursue this?

My answer would differ from sub to sub. It would also depend on what my relationship looked like with them and what kind of relationship they wanted to have with their sub.

I’ll break it down for you and try to keep it simple.

If I had a male slave/pet that wanted a sub… that’s a hilarious thought. A slave having authority over another doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened somewhere in the world, or that it can’t happen, it just doesn’t fit in line with my idea of what a slave is (a male slave in particular). In fact, I would refrain from putting him in any kind of authority position, but that’s just me (I have principles, yo). If, on the rare chance, I had a female slave, I would give it some thought and probably end up telling them no, yet I might be willing to work something out if they wanted to top another one of my subs.

Seeing as how subs have more freedom than slaves, this is where we step into a grey area.

If we’re talking about someone I only saw occasionally and wasn’t very involved with (which is not something that gets my juices flowing), I would definitely support them and offer any kind of advise they asked for. I have actually recently been in this situation and did just that. However, it did change the way I handled the relationship. I believe with the right kind of communication it could work, but in this situation the communication wasn’t there (on either side) and it ended up not working out. Also, I’m 90% sure this would not work for me long term, even with good communication.

If I am involved with a sub, that I talk to daily and see often, I would try to work something out. It would be easier if they only wanted a play partner to occasionally top, however if they wanted a full-time sub… I don’t think it would work for me. There are so many variables that would tip it one way or the other and I have no way of really knowing what I would or wouldn’t do. I know that it is not ideal for me. Having said that, one of my regular fantasies involves my female sub (not slave) topping my male slave… *dreamy sigh* that really needs to happen.

At the end of the day, I don’t want my sub to have a sub, for multiple reasons, yet I am willing to compromise under the right circumstances. If my relationship ended with them as a result of them having a sub, I would hope that we could remain friends and I would be happy and very willing to support and mentor them.

Do You Have Questions?

I have a lot of thoughts and ideas — I think they’re worth sharing. I like musing. I like creating with quite a few types of mediums, words included. Some days, I think about writing… obviously nothing comes of it. I would like to continue writing here, but I can’t seem to find a direction.

While I work through this process of finding my reason for blogging, I am going to ask for some inspiration from you, my readers.

Do you have any questions? Would you like my opinion about something in particular? Do you want to know anything about my life? Maybe you’d like some clarity about a post I’ve made in the past?

I encourage you to ask. Of course, there are things I will keep private, but you won’t have a chance of knowing unless you ask.

Comment below or feel free to use my Contact Me form.