Dominant Responsibility

I have written before about how I struggled with the responsibility aspect of being in a Dominant position. It was one of the few major problems I encountered in the beginning, that really hindered me. In fact, now that I’m writing about it, the other problems I had probably stemmed off it.

I believe it is a good thing for a Dominant to know the weight of responsibility — whether you play casually or not. What we do in the realm of BDSM is not a game. You can seriously hurt someone physically… you can kill them. Don’t get me started on how bad you can mess someone up mentally — death might actually be the better option, in some cases. The amount of people out there that do not think about what they are doing, they just do whatever with no regard, is fucking disconcerting and wrong. Honestly, it pisses me off.

I digress.

I’m not here to write about others, I want to talk about where I currently am with all of this.

I trust myself. Not in a sense that I can do all the things and not make mistakes, but in the sense that I am not fucking stupid and I know myself well enough that I know I will make the best decision I can, with the information I have, by actually thinking about outcomes and what is best overall for everyone involved. I’m also pretty good at seeing ways to improve and learn from my mistakes. To me, that is a key element in being a good Domme. I expect this from myself.

If I played casually, I wouldn’t need to think as deep as I do, nevertheless, I enjoy it. I enjoy reflection and deep thought. I enjoy forethought and seeing different paths I can take. It makes my brain feel good. I love how being in control gives me an outlet for creative and productive thought.

It took me a long time to be able to say I trust myself. I couldn’t trust someone else telling me that I was a good Domme, I needed to see it for myself. I knew I could learn to spank someone, I knew I could come up with rules and punishments, etc.. I needed to see that I could not only handle the responsibility, but that I could also thrive and enjoy having it. I needed to know I would make good decisions… I needed to see myself do it because I have made so many mistakes in my life and I didn’t want to fuck up more lives than I have already.

I am confident that I can keep my subs safe while feeding my sadistic side. I am confident that I can create the twisted, dark life I want, and sustain it. I feel safer letting my darkness out, and I have even reached a point where I have realized that I actually want and like my darkness for all that it is (and pretty excited to see how it evolves).

It feels really good to finally reach this point.


  1. Well hello!

    There is no greater gift to give oneself than to feel comfortable in your own skin, regardless of which side of the slash you reside or even if there is a slash. LOL. I am very happy for you. This has been a long journey for you (and no doubt will continue- but hopefully with less strain then in the past).

    ❤ Willie

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hopefully you can get off your feet by the end of summer and be in a better position to see how much some of us have missed you 🐿🐿🐿

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well said, Ms Dixie. The weight of responsibility can definitely be heavy at times. I agree with you completely, there are too many out there that don’t take the seriousness into consideration. The results often leave people broken and damaged, questioning their ability to trust ever again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, exactly. I have heard about quite a few upsetting situations — enough to leave me jaded. Some people don’t realize that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Even when there is something we really want to do, it may not be a good idea in the long run. In my opinion, if someone lacks the ability to think things through, they have no business being a Dominant.

      Don’t get me wrong, mistakes happen to the best of us. It’s like buying a new car, you make the best decision you can but sometimes you still end up with a lemon. The key is realizing you did your best and figuring out what to do with the lemon.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I know I have said it privately, but I still think you should mentor or write about the mental aspects of how a dominant can maintain a submissive mindset ( sure throw your sadist stuff in there too. I know a few). You have the unique perspective of being a sub first ( okay not so unique I suppose) . I remember your struggles and you could teach a lot of Dominants how to avoid some of the issues you felt you had due to ineffective(?) dominance. Not saying all your struggles were due to that as a sub- obviously you identify as a Sadist Domme, so in the long run it wasn’t going to work- but I’d love to see a series of posts based on your specific experiences.

    Much love to you M


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I also think I have valuable information to share and I do want to share. Writing guides isn’t really my style and out of my comfort zone… perhaps I could get creative and come up with something…

      It is good to hear from you.


  4. I know I’m late to the party haha. I have a wonderful Dom. I’m his only sub as he says that it’s more important for him to get to know his sub well and be available for his sub’s emotional needs and it’s harder to do so with a harem of subs. And does just as he said he would. He’s been there for me emotionally and has helped me cope with past trauma. We do play and in those times there is degradation and humiliation, but at the end of the day, I know that he still cares about me.

    From a sub’s standpoint, I cherish both playtimes and just being able to talk him. My Dom has become my confidant and I tell him everything. I think that the times in which we are not playing happen to be some of the most important interactions we have. I think his role as a Dom is also one of a counselor, protector and a teacher in some ways. Those are qualities that not all “Doms” have, but to be a Dom with more significant impact on a sub’s life, it’s important to build in those areas.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like you got pretty lucky — as you stated, not every Dom works that way.

      There is a lot more involvement needed the deeper you go into D/s. I think it is very important to have a good understanding of how people work, but also be responsible with that knowledge. Like your Dom, I think it is important to know my sub very well. I want to know ALL the things. I expect truthful openness, as I can’t do what I do without that. There needs to be a strong foundation to build on, especially when you want to go as deep as I want to — that takes what you wrote about and then some.

      The responsibility of owning someone is huge. I don’t step into it lightly.

      Thanks for the comment!


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