Due to what turned me on as a submissive and the kind of submissive I ached to be in my day-to-day led me to believe I would not enjoy being a Dominant. I was so sure submission was my place. At first I used my submission to play the Dominant, not be the Dominant. I wanted a Master to serve and a collar around my neck.
But then I did… stuff.
I did some mean stuff. I had massages when I wanted them. I had him dry me off after a shower. I used him sexually. I spanked him.
And, as it turned out, I really enjoyed myself and so did my vagina.
One night, I found myself dressed in nothing but heels and a strap-on, bending him over the bed and fucking his ass. I assumed I would like it, but it ended up being more than a like. I was literally dripping down my legs. I remember thinking, “What the hell is going on down there?” I also remember thinking it would be better (for me) if he enjoyed it a little less.
I don’t want to be submissive anymore, but I am glad I was one.
It is interesting, the ideas I have about the way D/s works have stayed the same. And the same things turn me on, just in a different way. It also shaped some beliefs of what I see as Dominant and submissive acts.
For example, I do not plan on giving another blow job and I will definitely not allow my (male) sub to cum on my body. (My hand, okay, but that’s where I draw the line.) I gave many blow jobs as a sub, not because I enjoyed them, but because I enjoyed pleasing him, which made it an act of submission. It was humiliating when he came on my body or face. Therefore, I cannot picture myself doing either as a Domme. However!, my vagina and I are totally okay with sticking my cock down his throat and having him cum on himself.
I also still want a group of three, except now I want two subs instead of being the bottom sub.
My opinions about punishment, chores, service, etc., have stayed the same. Although they might have evolved a little.
I want to treat my sub the way I wanted to be treated. Cruelly, like a thing… because I love them.
I expect the same things of my sub as I expected of myself as a sub — to obey and be pleasing.
I could go on and on.
It’s kinda neat how things have turned out.