I think it was about a year ago, I read some comments written by a Dominant woman that really upset me. In fact, a lot of what I read on her blog made me mad. (I will not link her blog because I refuse to promote her in any way.) Every so often those comments will pop up out of my memory and I have an urge to introduce her face to my knee. Seeing as how that’s not possible, and I wouldn’t do it even if I had the chance, I will express my feelings here.
It appears that some Dominant women believe that Femdom does not have the same sexual component for women that it does for men.
Tell me what planet these women are on so I can never go there.
I am a woman and Femdom is a sexual thing for me. I dry up like the Sahara without D/s. Femdom makes me feel sexually alive and I really enjoy it in a sexual way.
However, I do believe that Femdom is not sexual for some women.
If leadership is a burden, why the hell would you keep doing it? The responsibility of leading is heavy, but a burden? There is a person out there that is willing to follow your rules, to suffer for you, they are there to make your life easier, not to burden you. By calling it a burden, you are saying that person is a burden, that their submission is a burden. If you don’t want to have things your way, be pampered when you want, and be deeply admired and adored, by all means, stop leading. If you like those things, shut up and enjoy it.
Ugh. I want to slap her.
I want to make it clear that a Dominant woman has her rights, she can train her sub in whatever form suits her needs and wants, I will not criticize her way as long as the sub’s needs are met first. I believe the only true “wrong way” is when the sub and the relationship are damaged, and continues to be damaged, as result of of the Dominant’s actions (side note: it is possible for the sub to damage the relationship as well). If everyone in the relationship is healthy and happy, I cannot say they are doing it wrong.
Now that I have said that…
When a submissive uses degrading words to describe themselves, such as a “weak male”…
I am having trouble explaining this one.
If a Dominant doesn’t want their sub saying such things, that is their right. I can understand why they would not want to hear their sub say that, really I do, but I can’t help but wonder if they are missing the power of those degrading words.
A man is brought up to show no weaknesses — be a man, go kill a bear, don’t cry, be strong. When a man humbles himself and says he is weak or pathetic in front of a woman… that takes some major strength.
Just because I like when a man makes himself vulnerable to me in this way, doesn’t make me any less loving or less of a Dominant.
I’m going to stop right there.
I can feel this woman’s bitterness in her words. I have a pretty good idea of why she is bitter –I have experienced some of the same. Perhaps her words upset me so much because I have been a sub and I know what it feels like to have my submission under appreciated and treated like a chore. I also don’t like that she is projecting harmful thoughts out into the world where new Dommes might take on the same sort of belief system. I wish she would be more careful with her wording.