Month: December 2017

Tired

I’m tired of trying to figure out who I am and how I’m supposed to be.

Tired of trying to figure out how to find the strength to leave my husband.

Tired of trying to figure out how to take care of my kids without ending up homeless.

Tired of aching.

Tired if hurting.

I’m just fucking tired.

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Impatient

I am stuck in the present, fighting my past to become who I want to be. It is very uncomfortable and I just want it to be done. I want to be on the other side.

I went through this as a sub and I didn’t want to do it again, alas, here I am. *sigh*

I have not been happy with myself lately because I know I can be more. The future me is waiting impatiently behind the curtain for her time. I’d let her out if I knew how…

There is so much I have to overcome and so much that I’m up against…

I have been this other way for so long and I know it takes time to change, but, damnit, I want to be more right this second.

Feeling Pretty Awesome

I was so nicely nominated twice for the Liebster. Thank you Scarlet and furcissy, I really appreciate the thought.

There are some rules that go along with this award – I’m supposed to answer questions and nominate people and ask them questions – but, I’m going to break the rules (Dommes can do that, right?), and just answer the questions I was asked…. ’cause that’s the part I enjoy.

Questions from furcissy

1. If you were a cartoon character, who would you be?

This is question is kicking my butt… Characters from cartoons my kids watch keep popping in my head, but I’m no ghoul or pony (although Rainbow Dash is pretty awesome). I’m not completely satisfied with my choice but, I’m gonna go with Elsa from Frozen. She hid an important part of herself to protect those around her and learned the hard way that it was better to embrace that side of her rather than stifle it. She is a queen. And, come on, she can magically make a house out of ice, how cool is that? I could also make furcissy his own personal snow flurry so he could wear his earmuffs all the time… I’m thoughtful like that.

2. If napalm in the morning smells like victory, what do you think defeat smells like?

Poop.

3. What did you want to be when you grew up?  Are you that now?

I wanted to be an artist or a veterinarian. Art is a hobby of mine, so, yes, I am an artist. I am not disappointed to say that I am not a veterinarian.

4. If you knew you were going to be stranded on a deserted island, aside from food/water, what are three things you couldn’t live without?

Easy. A solar powered communication device that works anywhere in the world so I can call someone to get my ass out of there, a slave, and enough coffee to last me until I was rescued.

5. If you were the owner of a magic wish-granting machine, who would you let use it?  Why?

No one, because wishes end up backfiring and I do believe there is a reason why things happen the way they do.

6. If someone said to you, “I am the alpha and omega,” how would you respond to them?

🙄

7. Do you think that dreams have meaning?<<
Definitely.

8. If you could start over with D/s (including your resetting mind’s and body’s responses), would you still choose the same role?  Why?<<
I would not change a thing, I am on this path for a reason.

9. Do you enjoy feeling naughty?  Is it better or worse than nice?<<<
Being naughty is fun! Hmmm, I guess it would depend on the situation and who I was being naughty or nice to.

10. Are you glad that you started blogging?  Why?<<<
Through blogging I found a voice I didn't know I had, I can look back to see how far I have come, I have learned so much and made connections that have impacted my life… I am so glad I started blogging.

Questions from Scarlet

1. How long have you been writing and how did you begin?<<<
I started my other blog a little over four years ago. I began because I was inspired by a writer to share my journey, the ups and downs and everything in between.

2. What is the thing you love most about D/s and the community?<<<
I love the way D/s makes me feel. When I am in its mist, life pushes the poison from my veins and I feel alive. I make sense this way.

I can't say I am involved in the community, as I only have few people I chat with online.

3. If cream is to coffee what milk is to chocolate, _______ is to you as what is to tea?<<<
Sugar.

4. What is your five year plan?*stressed look* I am still working on my one year plan.

5. If you could have any job in the world, money and education no object, what would you choose?<<<
Art. I would make beautiful things through art.

6. If you could right one “wrong” about the world we live in what would it be?<<<
Mental illness… they're bitches.

7. If I asked you to murder one person, no consequences, would you? And if so, who would it be?<<<
Yes, I would — no doubt, and no hesitation. My dad. (Feel free to judge, I probably would if I were you, but it is not without good reason.)

8. What ruined your generation?<<<
MySpace.

9. What is your biggest failure?<<<
My education.

10. What inspires you to blog?<<<
Readers, and I want to be heard.

Thanks again for nominating me. It was fun to answer the questions.

‘Tis the Time for Treats

The Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza! 

The hardest part of this great event is actually picking a recipe. In years past I have pretty much waited until the last day or two to make up my mind. This year was not an exception, however, one cannot complain when the result is the best chocolate cake in the world sitting on my table.

Okay, I am sure there is a better cake out there, but this one really is quite lovely — I wouldn’t be sharing it with you if it wasn’t. I have used it for birthdays and just because, and always get compliments from others. I’m sure it would go well with a cup of coffee in the morning… and a small piece after lunch would be a wonderful treat… not that I know anything about that… ahem.

I asked my kids for a review.

Oldest… “It is perfect!” (*smug look*)

Youngest… “It is too chocolaty.” (*gasp* Impossible!)

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Chocolate Cake

Chocolate Cake

  • 1 3/4 cups sugar
  • 2 cups flour
  • 3/4 cup baking cocoa
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/2 cup of oil
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla
  • 3/4 cup of hot, strong coffee (or hot water)
  1. Heat oven to 350°F.
  2. Grease and flour two 9in round baking pans. (I put parchment paper in the bottom of mine).
  3. Stir dry ingredients together.
  4. Add eggs, milk, oil, and vanilla, and mix for a couple of minutes.
  5. Stir in coffee. It will be thin.
  6. Pour into pans.
  7. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.
  8. Cool for 5-10 minutes before you try to remove from the pans.

If you are looking for a good icing, this is absolutely my favorite.

Here is a list of all the other bloggers participating, I do hope you take the time to check them out. Also, a special thanks for Jz for putting in the work to make this happen — you’re awesome.

Baker
Bleue
blossom
Bogey and Bacall
Cat
collaredmom
DelFonte
Ella
Greengirl
Jz
Katie
Kelly
Lindy
Mrs. Fever
nilla
Olivia
ronnie
Ryan
Sassy
selkie (recipe here)