Month: July 2017

Part of the Core

30 Days of Dominance

Day 17 – What does trust mean to you in the context of Dominance? How do you inspire trust in your submissive?

I think we can all agree that trust is important in any relationship, however, I feel that trust within D/s (and the like) reaches a much deeper level. It is crucial. I can’t think of one area of D/s that trust isn’t a part of, and if it starts to break, the relationship breaks with it.

It is a lot like trusting someone to pack a parachute you will, without a doubt, be using. There are a lot of ways shit can go wrong – emotionally and physically – and it has potential to break you in a scary, bad way.

When I say I want to own someone, in part that means that I want them to trust me enough to pack their parachute.

In the beginning, I expect them to watch me pack it, to ask questions, and talk it out. This is one way to build trust. And, to be honest, it would also help me build trust/confidence in myself… I’m sure as hell not going to do that on my own until I know for sure what the hell I’m doing.

I might have built this up into more than it really needs to be, but that’s how I view the responsibility of owning someone. It is that important to me because I want all of them. I want them to trust me to keep and use their soul.

From my experience as a submissive with my husband, I learned quite a few ways to break trust. The good side to that is that I, as a Dominant, can make sure to never fail my sub in the same ways.

Holding true to your word, being honest, being open (with some exceptions), communicating effectively (this includes listening and talking), showing appreciation, respecting limits, acceptance, and putting in continuous effort to learn are a few ways to deserve a submissive’s trust.

And, trust me, one must be deserving of it to reap all the benefits.

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Past, Present, and Future

I can remember what it felt like when I realized he had given up and I was never going to be his sub. I was devastated. It felt like he had taken the life out of my veins. (For a better understanding, you can read this.)

Then, I found out that most of the pictures he looked at on Tumblr were of Dominant women. Which, btw, he now says he likes because they are good pictures… like he is only interested in the artistic value. *rolls eyes*  Like he’s going to look at naughty pictures that don’t get his juices flowing.

Getting back on track…

I was just glad to have D/s back on the table, ya’ know? It gave me purpose and direction. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I realized fairly quickly that it wasn’t going to work with me in control either, and I gave up completely on D/s. Interestingly enough, it was not as painful as it was losing D/s the first time.

Having that little bit of control gave me a different perspective and I started to see all the ways he wronged me and how I pushed it down and away. I hurt us a great deal by doing that, I should have spoken up. I had my reasons, and I was wrong. That’s not to lessen what he did, by any means, it’s just that I see where we both went wrong.

I do not regret bringing D/s into our lives. I am mad and hurt that… he did the things he did, but I no longer wish that it was different. I don’t want him to be my sub, I don’t want him to be my Dom, and I don’t want to be his vanilla wife. I don’t wish he had treated me differently, because I have a feeling our relationship has run its course exactly as it was meant to, and I’m headed somewhere better.

I am not in an ideal situation, life is hard and I’m tired, but this is my road, the same road I started on 35 years ago, I’m just getting ready to make a long, hard turn.

Bring it on!