Different Partner, Different Dominance

30 Days of Dominance

Day 16 – Have you found that your Dominance has changed with different partners or relationships? If you’re involved with, or have been involved with, partners of both sexes, has your Dominance changed based on gender or do you feel that it is dependent on the submissive as an individual?

There have only been two – my husband and B – and, yes, my Dominance was different with each, as it would be with anyone I took on.

I feel the best way to have control and gain power is to work with what you’re given in order to get what you want, not by forcing someone into a box because you really like how it looks. This works for me because I feed off emotions, not actions. I can’t tell you how I would dominate you until I know what you like, what you hate, what you desire, and who you are.

Take my last post for an example. It was a fantasy of mine and it definitely spoke to my vagina, but I wrote it with B in mind. Had I wrote it with my husband in mind, it would be a completely different fantasy, and it would still speak to my vagina.

So I guess you could say my Dominance stays the same below the surface, but comes out looking different.

And, just to be clear, that doesn’t mean I’m willing to dominate anyone and everyone — I have standards and limits just like everyone else.



  1. As always, I love reading your posts, Ms. Dixie! What you wrote made a lot of sense and I am wondering if this is how most dominants operate, or, if as you described they try to put every submissive they have into a certain box. I have only experienced about 6 months of D/s so this is all very new to me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the compliment, naughty nora.

      This August will mark 4 years for me, there is still a lot I don’t know and haven’t seen, so I’m not sure on numbers, but there are definitely both types.

      From what I’ve seen, those that want long term, committed, emotionally involved relationships seem to be more fruitful when the Dominant custom fits the dynamic to both the submissive and Dominant. And it is even more fruitful when both sides allow that “custom fit” to evolve, expand, contract, etc..

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Ms NN – some Doms only want a sub who will play a specific role such as “pet”, “houseboy”, “slave”, etc. They won’t consider subs who don’t fit the role for various reasons. I may eventually write a post that expands on the topic…but I’m certain many have already written on this topic. Ms. DW is somewhat more flexible than ones I’ve come to know.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It isn’t always a bad thing to look for someone that fits a role, I just see how it would be very possible to pass by something ‘really’ good because they aren’t open to something different.

        My goal is to be Dominant and to own a submissive… not a bottom, not a switch, not a spanko, not a kinkster… I want a submissive.

        And I also recognize that each submissive has individual needs and limits and if they are not met/respected, I don’t end up getting what I want… which is someone that obeys.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I think it’s good that you lay out your needs as you just did. It’s so easy to look for the right “fit” in a relationship (as in role-play) and overlook the fundamental thing you want – obedience. Thanks for clarifying that. -D

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Enjoyed reading your answer. I think each partnership is different and depends on the personality and likes/dislikes of the Dom and sub.


    Liked by 2 people

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