So, awhile back, my husband told me that he couldn’t stand to live this way anymore, so I told him, “You can stay or go. Do what you need to do.”
Pretty sure he was expecting a different response.
Since then, we have been very distant and civil, for the most part, but the air between us is so heavy. Add that to the kids being out of school, husband being gone most of the day (which isn’t always a bad thing), working triple the hours (from home, while I take care of said kids), and losing my “something to look forward to” because of work, the kids, and husband…
My head isn’t a great place to be these days.
I need peaceful balance, dammit.
*sigh* But, that isn’t going to happen anytime soon, so I just have to deal with it.
I feel like precious moments are being stolen from me because it takes most of my energy to hold myself together while I make it through the day. It takes away energy I could spend on my kids, on B, and myself. I see how it effects my patience, my mood, etc., and how that rains down on the rest of my life and the people I care about.
It even weighs me down to do things that make me feel good. I mean, my husband freakin’ times how long I’m in the shower, and if I’m in there longer than normal he knows I’m getting myself off. Of course he makes some remark about it to let me know that he knows. I don’t care if he knows what I’m doing, I’m not trying to hide it from him. Hell, sometimes I even laugh about his reaction, but it’s just another reminder of what we are now, and that’s exhausting.
Life is just so heavy and I’m tired of holding it up.