Month: May 2017

Is Sexual Availability a Must?

30 Days of Dominance

Day 13 – Is sexual availability, having your submissive partner/s sexually available to you at any time and in any manner you choose, part of your expectations as a Dominant? Why or why not? Are there acceptable limits to this? If so, what are they?

I admit that my knowledge on other types of dynamics is limited, but some of these questions are baffling. 

Uh, yeah, I expect them to be sexually available.

Why? Because that’s how it works.

Yes, of course there are acceptable limits. It is not like I’d expect them to be available if they were in the hospital or something. I also realize there are times when responsibilities take precedence over my sexual urges — kids and careers are important. 

Reasons such as, I’ve had a long day, there’s a game on TV, my knees hurt, I’ve only been asleep for 3 hours and my body hurts from you using me, I’m hungry, or if I don’t have the coffee made in 10 minutes I will get punished, are not acceptable in my opinion. 

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Financial Submission

30 Days of Dominance 

Day 12 – Do you expect financial submission from submissive partner/s? If yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concept of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

I wasn’t sure on the details, however, B just told me a little bit about it.

The thought has never entered my mind…

If I happened to find myself in a posistion to partake in such activities, under the right circumstances, I’d have to say… Sure, why the hell not?!

Service and Servitude

30 Days of Dominance

Day 11 – Do you expect servitude from your submissive/s? How do you define servitude and service? What does it mean to you? If you do not seek or expect servitude from your submissive/s, what is it about the concept of servitude that is not for you? 

Yes, I do expect servitude.

I would define service as an action carried out by the submissive that improves the quaility of my day. As far as I’m concerned,  providing service is a piece of servitude. 

I like the way Merriam-Webster defines servitude…

1: a condition in which one lacks liberty especially to determine one’s course of action or way of life

2: a right by which something (such as a piece of land) owned by one person is subject to a specified use or enjoyment by another

What does servitude mean to me?

In a long term relationship it is a must. The way I envision myself being and what turns me on leads me to believe the underling will not have it easy. It involves trust, and respect, and…it is beautiful.

Thoughts About Writing 

It felt so good to write about him here, I’m definitely going to do it more often. He is a part of my life, so it makes sense to have him be a part of my blog. I’ve wanted to write about him for ages, but I didn’t know if I should or if he wanted me to.

My husband never really supported my writing. I’m actually pretty sure he never really wanted me to write when I was his sub. He didn’t think my words were important. After we switched, husband told me straight up that he did not want me to blog. I concluded that he was too embarrassed (he is selfish pussy). He didn’t want me to talk to people either, but I wasn’t willing to compromise on that. Therefore, my experience with my husband has played a big part in my reluctance to write about B. 

When I asked B for his thoughts he was kinda vague, which isn’t like him. (Start overthink here.) The boy has plenty of thoughts lurking around that beautiful mind of his and I know they don’t stop at my blog. He said enough to make me feel comfortable and I trust he would tell me if he did not want me to write about him. He knows my style of writing and what it means to me. I kinda I wonder if his vagueness had something to do with not wanting to influence my writing…seems like something he would do… Then again, maybe he was just having perverted thoughts, as he tends to have (all the time).

I’m at a loss, I really have no clue what was going through his head. 

Nevertheless, I’m going to put past experience aside and just write. 

There’s More 

There’s another side to all of this that I haven’t written about.

Through all of this I have had someone to talk to, someone I knew before my husband and I switched.

When we first started talking, I shared some of his emails with my husband, I offered his email address… I would have shared any email my husband wanted to read.

So we were friends. Just friends. For months. He was there for me during some really dark times. And it just kinda naturally created a connection. He didn’t want anything more than friendship from me. He is submissive to the core and I thought I was, so the only direction we had was friendship.

I’m not one to trust people. Especially people on the internet. It is in my nature to trust, but I know how evil and lies can hide behind masks (thanks to my dad), so I look for that shit. But, this guy… he proved himself trustworthy, time and time again.

By the time my submission ended, he was a great friend. Now, he is more.

While I do wonder what all of you think of me, I really don’t care if you think I’ve done something wrong.No doubt about it, my morals have been tested.

Sometimes you have to do stuff that makes you feel good because life is that bad. I don’t look down on myself for grabbing onto someone that makes me feel good to be me. My kids need a mom, not a zombie.

This man helped me survive when I couldn’t get off the floor. He gave, and continues to give me strength. He makes me laugh and smile, and I need that now more than ever.

No Longer Blinded by Love 

Leaving my husband isn’t an idea I’ve stepped into lightly. I have questioned myself, over and over. I wondered if I had enough reason to warrant a divorce, if I was doing right by my kids… if this really is the best choice. 

Finding the lifestyle added colors to my world that I didn’t know exsisted, it pumped life into my veins, and I found a place where I belonged. It is who I am, not something I do just for fun. 

And I was willing to give that up for him, because what we had meant more to me than that. 

After we switched I started to see things more clearly, and ever since pieces of his stupidity just keep coming, which just makes my decision easier. 

Even he has admitted that he had it wrong, he is finally accepting responsibility for it, and that’s great, but he has done too much damage. He has shown me that, all this time… he never really saw me. He never even tried. 

So fuck him. 

I shared a big chunk of my baggage on my last blog and I guess there’s no real reason not to share it here. It is a bit of a read, but here ya’ go

He actually admitted that he took my history as an exaggeration — that I just wanted some attention (which is really quite interesting considering I never wanted to talk about it). He thought I wasn’t being truthful about the effect that shit had on me. He thought I used it as an excuse, not a reason. 

All this time, he has thought this about me.

He has found me in deep depressions, and yelled at me. 

He has even taken my fear of failing as a parent and turned it around on me… all because I forgot to plan dinner. 

Fuck him. 

I know my choice is right. I know that being with him is not what is best for me or my girls.  I will never trust him again, there’s nothing he can do or say to change that. He has proven that he is not worth my time or effort.