Month: March 2017

30 Days of Dominance – Day 5

Day 5 – Have you been or are you in a Dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

 

I was submissive to my husband for a few years, then I took over for a few months, and now we are close to nothing. Life is lame.

They were completely different, as you can imagine.

As much as I hate doing this, I’m not going to go into the differences. I think most are pretty obvious anyway and it’s likely to fester feelings I’m trying to keep at bay. I’m sure you understand. 🙂

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30 Days of Dominance – Day 4

Day 4 – Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you? If you are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, are there things that you do not maintain control over? 

Outside of BDSM, I don’t have a lot of opportunities to switch into a submissive role — I don’t get out much. I honestly do not know how I would react in the world now that I’m uncovering this part of myself. It would be interesting to find out though. Inside BDSM, I guess you could say I’m a switch in theory. I’m definitely capable, just not willing. It’s not for me anymore because I don’t want to. And that’s that. 

If I were in a relationship that involved discipline, in my perfect world, I would maintain control over whatever I wanted, and  leave the rest up to the underling. For example, I would not punish them for being late to their job… hmmmm, or maybe I would… just for the fun of it. 😉 Nevertheless, there’s bound to be things I wouldn’t be interested in controlling, so I wouldn’t. 

30 Days of Dominance – Day 3

Day 3 – How do you know you are a Dominant or have the potential to be Dominant? How do you feel when you express your Dominance?

There was a time, not long ago, that I would have told you it wasn’t possible. I was a sub all the way through. 

Turns out, my vagina likes me being dominant.

*shrugs shoulders* Not much I can do about that, but go with it. Honestly, there’s no reason to be a sub when I can enjoy being a Domme. 

There’s definitely a sexual charge when I express myself. It’s like a deep, warming shiver that just keeps going. And it builds, which I can’t find the words to describe. It’s empowering. (I forgot what it felt like to feel sexually empowered… it’s quite nice to have that back.)

I also feel special. I have had these intense moments when I want to yell, “It is fucking good to be me!” I won’t go into reasons right now, so you’ll just have to trust me when I say that’s a pretty big deal. It’s an amazing feeling to take something from someone, especially stuff they don’t particularly care to give, just because I want it… because I’m so cool they want to give it to me. 

30 Days of Dominance – Day 2

Day 2 – Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

I could go two ways with the first bit. It depends on if I was working with my husband or if I was trying to find someone new. It will be more interesting and fun (not to mention, less depressing) to talk about finding someone new, so I’m going to go that route.

First off (because I’m an overthinker)…

I’d look for someone with personality. 
I like to smile and laugh, I don’t want someone that pulls me down with negativity.
I want someone smart.
I want someone of integrity.
I want someone that is willing to be vulnerable.
I want someone that isn’t arrogant and takes pride in what they do.
I want someone with good hygiene.
I want someone who cares about the health of their body and soul.
I want someone with a strong mind. 

There’s bound to be more, but I think you get the gist. 

Once I found someone that met those wants, if we matched up enough on wants and needs within D/s and we liked each other enough to start a relationship, then I could work on instilling habits and actions I’d like to see. 

What I want past that is pretty simple…

I want to be adored, respected, and loved. And, I want obedience. 

How would I go about getting that?
I’d use trust, respect, love, communication, and time. There would also be a little bit (ahem) of pain and suffering too — you know, because I’m a hopeless romantic. 

As for the other questions…

I do not want to be bedroom only. 

I am Dominant within a relationship and I am a mother in charge of her kids. Outside of that, I can’t say I’m dominant. 

I believe I could have fun with play partners, however I’m quite sure it would not be very fulfilling.  

30 Days of Dominance – Day 1

A friend kindly suggested I start one of the “30 days of questions” things. Since I’ve been struggling to find words and I don’t particularly like the thought of my blog going dark, I will give it a go. 

If you’re interested, you can find the questions here.

Also, it’s probably safe to assume I will break the rules and not post daily, ’cause I’m cool like that (has absolutely nothing to do with being a mother of two small humans. Ahem.).

Day 1 – Does your Dominance – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your preferred Dominant style as Taken in Hand, Domestic Discipline, Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I’m going to start with the latter question. Labels can be a helpful bitch. On one hand, it is an easy way to describe yourself to others. On the other hand, it puts you in a box, and I really hate boxes.  Not to mention how everyone seems to have their own definition for each label, which, you know, makes picking a label super easy.

I can tell you, without a doubt, I am not interested in Taken in Hand, DD, or Top/bottom type relationships. I am, however, very interested in power exchange. And seeing as how I’m very, very new to this Domme thing, I wouldn’t go into a new relationship expecting more than D/s.

If I ever find myself in a relationship that lets me express this side of myself, and ends up going as smoothly as things can go, I would imagine the relationship would evolve into more because TPE definitely tickles my fancy.

More Purging

My husband can be a dick, but he doesn’t do it to be a dick. He doesn’t set out to make me feel bad, it’s the way he emotes. He is also highly opinionated, has stupid expectations, and is selfish. Don’t get me wrong, he has good attributes as well. He has an amazing work ethic, he contributes around the house, he is a do-it-yourselfer, and, for the most part, he is a good dad (we can all do better there, eh).

I shook his world when we switched places. I knew it would happen. I’ve been there and remember how it felt — like my skin had been ripped off and the whole word could see and poke at every bit of my soul. He didn’t know how to deal with it, but I was there for him damn it, and I got shit on. I cleaned myself off and got shit on again, and again, and again. 

I might have been able to press on had I been more confident and if he hadn’t neglected my submission for three years, but it was what it was, and I couldn’t handle it. I was ridiculously sensitive to his reactions. Unfortunately, things quickly crumbled.

I’m left feeling hurt and angry.

He is hurt and angry.

And… I don’t think we’re going to make it out of this together.