Polarity

Dominant and submissive are not opposing forces. One cannot actively exist without the other, therefore they are two pieces of a whole.

This is who I am.

When it is absent, I feel incomplete. The pressure builds in my chest and it hurts to breathe… no, it hurts to exist. The pressure was a lot harder to live with when I was a sub — I still feel it, though, as a Domme. Every morning that I have to wake up and make my own coffee, I feel it. It isn’t that I mind making my own coffee, I’m very capable and it is not time consuming. When I scoop the coffee grinds into the filter and pour water into the coffeemaker, I know it means I’m missing an important part of myself and my life.

Sure, I’d label myself as a Domme even if I didn’t have a sub, but that’s all it would be — a label. And that is not enough for me.

The deeper I go, the more contrast there is between Domme and sub, the more balanced I feel, the more complete I am.

I admire those that can engage in a dynamic without emotional involvement, those that find fulfillment in casual play, and those that can be fed from either side of the slash. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. Entering a fantasy or an illusion of the real thing, when I don’t have it truly active in my life, is (somewhat) like giving a crumb to a starving person, it doesn’t nourish them, it just intensifies the ache. It is salt on an open wound.

I need passionate commitment. I need depth. I need the other half.

Female and Male Subs

Miss D asked…

What is different about being a Domme to a male compared to a female?

Even though I have not had much luck with males (therefore, not qualified to make any real comparisons), I do have thoughts and ideas on the subject.

It seems like when I talk in absolutes, life has this way of pointing out how I was wrong, so I feel a need to clarify… there are always exceptions. Also, these are my thoughts and principles within a power exchange relationship, created with my life experience.

I tend to lean towards building girls up and breaking boys down.

Sometimes females are expected to be meek — you know, “Just sit there and look pretty,” type thinking. Most females are sexually harassed/assulted/abused in one form or another and we’re told to cover our bodies so men aren’t tempted. I can go on and on, but what it boils down to is that it breaks our spirit and it shuts out our power. I set out to build up my sub girl because she needs it, life took it from her and I want her to take it back full force. I want to make her see that she can do more and be more, and still be the slut she is. It makes me proud to have a girl with power. By doing this, her submission is also strengthened, which benefits me.

Sometimes males are expected to be stoic — “Don’t cry, be a man.” Don’t show emotions… better yet, just don’t have them… because that’s completely reasonable (enter sarcasm here). Society puts expectations on them to provide and go kill bears. Don’t play with dolls or wear pink, because that’s for girls, go build a house or throw a ball. I want to break down those walls and see who he is on the inside. I will have all the authority in our relationship. I want to see him cry. I want to taste those emotions he has been hiding from the world. I want to force him to face that side of himself, time and time again. I give him a safe place to be himself and I get to devour him. By doing this, he is bound to me.

We also have to consider the pecking order. No female of mine will ever be below a male of mine. I feel pretty strongly about keeping it this way, so odds are I will never have a boy or girl whom can not handle that. I believe I developed this principle through my experience with males. If she wants to treat him like a thing, be mean to him, get him in trouble, instruct him to do things, I’m fine with that (I actually prefer it that way), but he does not get to treat her in kind. I would also treat them differently, she gets to do things and enjoy things that he does not get to enjoy. Yes, it is unfair. I want it to be unfair.

Also, I have noticed, with my limited experience, some boys have a much harder time communicating. It takes a special kind of patience and wording to extract what you need to know.

I’m sure there are more thoughts and opinions eluding me…

I’d be interested in hearing what others have to say about this topic. Also, feel free to ask questions if I left you wondering anything.

Life Thoughts

I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts lately. I can’t pinpoint what is wrong or where it is coming from. I might be getting sick or depressed, or something else entirely. I’m still functioning and actively “doing” life, but it’s like I have an annoying itch in my brain that I can’t scratch. My soul is tired and thoughts are cloudy…

Life seems to be really hard and I don’t think it is going to get easier any time soon.

I don’t know if my perspective is limited or if life truly is hard.

I have some really good things going for me. I try to stay focused on those things and just deal with the other stuff. And, in all honesty, the hard stuff is not bad.

I know I’m being vague… it has been a long time since I’ve wrote a personal post with details.

I need to give myself a break, but how do I do that when I have a full-time job, two young kids, three animals and a house to take care of? I get five days a month without my kids, that’s not a lot of time to have a social life. FIVE days. And two of those are mostly spent catching up on house work so I’m not over doing it during the week.

I’m exhausted from that side of life but if I don’t take the time and energy to do the stuff I enjoy, I start to feel hopeless and downright sad.

It’s a lot.

I’m also working on myself, mentally and physically (could be doing more physically, that’s for sure!).

It’s probably the hardest part. It also takes a long time to see results, which can be discouraging. I really need to do it, though. This is my “future” work. This is the stuff I do today, so that a month (or year) from now, I’m not where I am today. I feel like I’ve been given an opportunity to work on myself in a very deep way and I want to take advantage of it.

Life feels out of balance, however, I have an inner knowing that there is purpose in it all. I have no idea what that purpose is… I trust it, though.

Fully Erect?… Nope, Not This Time

I was asked a few questions from collaredmichael, I’m going to split them up into different posts. In this post, I will answer the following.

Being a sub man in a cage, is this something you might like to do? Would you like to be a key holder?

I’ve heard that some Dominant women don’t do chastity because they feel like the male is submitting to the device, not the woman…

I’m not one to tell other women how to do their thing but, yeah, I’m pretty confident they’re doing it wrong.

If you are a Dominant woman and don’t like the idea of chastity, that is well within your rights, just don’t make up lame excuses why you don’t use chastity.

And, guys, be very careful how you approach a woman with the idea of chastity because you might end up turning them into a woman that thinks you are submitting to a piece of metal/plastic.

Personally, I think it is a great tool.

I love that it gives me control of a penis, and therefore the boy. It is also an easy way to feed my sadistic side — teasing a boy so that he strains against the cage, denying the penis pleasure when I get all the pleasure I want… that is some tasty stuff! I like that it reminds the boy that they are mine, even when I’m not physically with them. I would really enjoy having a necklace with a key on it, reminding me of the control I have.

I wouldn’t keep a boy locked up 24/7, though. I like edging and ruining orgasms. I like seeing when a boy gets an erection, especially in humiliating situations. I would also like seeing when they don’t have an erection, especially if I’m feeling particularly sadistic — knowing they are not getting pleasure from what I’m doing. In other words, I like playing with penises that aren’t locked up.

Needless to say, it greatly depends on my mood if I will use chastity or not, but, yes, I do like it.

Real Life

Read here

I can’t even begin to tell you how I felt reading that post — how many of my fears it touches, how my heart feels, being reminded of the depth of responsibility I put on myself, the validation of knowing that I am not wrong for taking ownership that serious, the relief that their story didn’t end… and the need it created to hug those I love and care for.

Not Feelin’ It

Miss D asked…

How would you handle the following situation:
You’ve been considering a sub for awhile. You enjoy playing with them, you enjoy mentoring them, but the connection isn’t there to bring them on full time. They obviously want more from you.

First, you need to know something about me.

I’m stingy as hell when it comes to playing with people. When I get to the point of wanting to play with someone, I’m already invested. Sure, the level of investment might be low, and I might keep it low on purpose, but it is most definitely there. In other words, I don’t play if they’re not my sub.

If my sub wanted full-time and I wasn’t interested in that, I would figure out what I was willing to do, and tell them. They might not be able to do what you want, so you take the risk of the relationship ending, but that is far better than stringing it along, in my opinion. I like to be straight and feel it is better not to sugarcoat things. I’d avoid building false hope, unless, of course, I truly felt like we could be more in the future.

It is important to be upfront. It will be easier and better for you in the long run, and it allows the sub to keep looking for what they want.